There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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