If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
