o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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