I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
