im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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