Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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