This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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