just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
