very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
