mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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