So gin and wine won't be happening again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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