Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
