There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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