All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
