Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
