Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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