i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
