We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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