my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
