I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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