Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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