you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
