just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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