checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
