Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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