i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
