We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
