Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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