Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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