i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
