i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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