Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
