I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
