The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
