out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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