The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
