I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
