Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize