She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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