Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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