South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
