I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
