redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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