Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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