you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
