shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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