It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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