god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
