He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
