shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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