Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They took my balls.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
