I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
