apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
