Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
