watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
