You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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