Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
