If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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