i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
