just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
