new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize