life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
