dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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