The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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